The singing was coming from one of the offices down the hall. It was off-key, bothersome at the very least, and quickly on its way to becoming annoying, especially on a Friday afternoon. I sighed and tried to let it go, but it grew louder. Now it was seriously distracting me from my top priority, following my March Madness bracket on company time.
I was busy watching the matchup between the Utopia State Unicorns and the Behemoth U Draft Picks online. I had zero interest in the game outside of making sure Behemoth won for the sake of my bracket, but it was March and this is what we did at work. I frankly wasn’t sure where Utopia State was, but any team called the Unicorns deserved our attention.
Now the singing had tumbled out into the hall and it had crossed the line into kind of a wounded warbling. And the singer was headed my way, coming down the hall like it was open mic night at Lionel Richie’s house.
“We’re going to party, liming, fiesta, forever…all night long…oooh…all night long.”
I was getting up to close the door so I could concentrate on the Unicorns when Wilson turned the corner and came in, screeching at the top of his lungs.
“All night long…all night…”
I fell back in my chair and gripped the armrests at the sight of him. He was dressed in a garish Hawaiian shirt, shorts, flips flops and a straw hat that he may have borrowed from a scarecrow. He held a margarita glass in one hand, while pumping his other hand in the air and singing. If I could have seen his eyes maybe I’d be able to tell if he was drunk, but they were hidden behind a virtual reality headset.
He turned this way and that like a blindfolded kid in search of a piñata and came damn close to tripping over the Tornadex.
“Hey, hey,”I yelled, “I got a guy coming by later to look at that, watch where you’re-”
I was no match for him.
“Everyone you meet…they’re jamming in the street…”
I bolted from behind the desk and darted to him before he did some real damage. I grabbed him by the shoulders to stop him from moving then lifted the VR headset off him.
“What the hell is going on?” I asked, startled to see him wearing sunglasses behind the headset.
He took the shades off and looked around, dazed.
“Is this the ski chalet?” he asked.
Now I was dazed, my thoughts racing around trying to follow his.
“No,” was all I could manage, wondering what hidden pressure the man was under.
“Oh,” he said. “I thought the chalet was down this way. What room is this? The murder mystery?”
“Would you like to sit down?” I asked, gently.
Before he could answer there was hooting and hollering from the hall.
“Yay, no lift lines,” Ashley yelled as she “skied” by the office wearing a VR headset.
“She may know where the chalet is,” I said.
“I’m too tired to ski right now,” Wilson said, plopping down in a chair.
I sat back down and looked across at him. Wilson sipped his drink and brushed something from his sandaled feet.
“Sand,” he said.
“If you say so.”
“Didn’t you get the email?” he asked. “Today is the corporate retreat.”
“I thought that was canceled,” I said. “Being that there’s a pandemic and all. I mean, how would we have done a trust fall like last year? No way I’m catching, let alone touching any of those people in sales.”
Wilson pulled his phone out of his shorts and scrolled around a bit until he found what he was looking for.
“No, right here, from a few weeks ago. It’s a virtual retreat this year. If you go down to reception there’s a box of VR headsets and accessories,” he said. “I even found shorts and a shirt that fit.”
I looked him over.
“Kind of,” I said.
“Really, there are all types of great activities planned.”
“I would have preferred the trip to Portofino Bay, personally,” I said.
“Aw, come on,” he said. “All of us here in the office are a team now. We’re going to compete against everyone at home in a little bit. We need you.”
The corporate retreats had always been high points of the year. Roz and her crew spent lots of time, thought, and company money putting together great trips. I had a feeling I’d appreciate them even more in the future, assuming we could actually stand within a foot of a colleague at some point in the years ahead.
The virtual retreat was, well, odd. But what wasn’t lately? Plus, it was all we had.
Wilson meanwhile had a sandal off, examining it. “I may keep these,” he said. “Super comfortable.”
Outside the office Ashely sped by with a sheet billowing behind her.
“Wooohooo, I’m parasailing,” she yelled.
And to think she had been such a strong hire a few years ago. It would be interesting to see if she, well, hell any of us really, would bounce back once everyone returned to the office.
Wilson sipped his drink and licked his lips. I studied his glass, trying to determine its contents.
“The cocktail?” I asked. “That’s part of the retreat accessory package?”
He shook his head. “Big Mike’s wet bar. It’s in his bottom drawer,” he said.
I glanced at my computer. The Unicorns were fading fast. I looked over at Wilson. He had his shades back on, his head rolling from side to side as he sang softly.
“We’re going to have a party…”
Then the lights went out.
“What now,” I said.
Wilson took his shades off. “Why did you turn the lights out?” he asked.
“I didn’t.”
We sat there in the dark, the only light coming from the glow of the Unicorns’ game.
I sniffed a few times at an odor creeping into the office. “You smell something?” I asked.
“Like something burning?”
“Yes, just checking,” I said.
“Like a lighter fluidy kinda smell,” Wilson said.
There was a shriek from down the hall and a second later someone appeared in the door with a flaming tiki torch.
“Good heavens,” I said. “They’ve come for us.”
“Let’s go slackers,” Ashley yelled. “We’re building a tiki bar in reception. And we better kick some ass against those homebodies. I’m not losing.”
We both got up and ran out, racing down the hall in the flickering light behind Ashley.
Maybe there was hope for her after all.